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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29508498">We Can Start Over Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybe123/pseuds/maybe123'>maybe123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Blur (Band), Oasis (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angry Sex, I have too much time on my hands, M/M, Making Out In Public, cursed fic really, how do people write summaries, idk sometimes opposites attract, kinda pwp?, oof, sadboy sex, uh...cursed pairing?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:22:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29508498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybe123/pseuds/maybe123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you pull lads ever?” Noel asked suddenly as he dropped his cigarette and stepped on it. Graham choked on the whiskey and coughed.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s any-”</p><p>“Just a question, mate, I won’t tell nobody.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Noel Gallagher/Graham Coxon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Graham hated award ceremonies. Of course it felt good to win, even the awards he felt like they didn’t deserve, but the glamour and excitement was nothing like it had been before the novelty of the pageantry and hero worship wore off. The speeches and categories and recognition felt forced and superficial now and he was tired of pretending to be thrilled about rubbing elbows with the myriad members of the British music industry. He didn’t understand why people cared so much about awards anyways. If the music was good and people were buying albums then why did it matter if someone shoved an ugly statue into his face or not? He just wanted to go home to his guitars.</p><p>But first he had to pose for pictures and then suffer through the afterparty. Of course the photographers and press agents insisted that they pose with Noel and Liam Gallagher, despite the fact that it was clear that none of them really wanted to, but everyone was a little pissed and high already which helped. Still, Liam was unsurprisingly a twat about it, and hurled insults at the band and at Damon specifically, inadvertently cementing the fact that he was more than a little obsessed with him. Everyone shrugged it off, and Noel didn’t seem to have any problem posing with Damon, which clearly annoyed Liam who refused to have any part in it.</p><p>Graham had already been on edge about having to do another pointless photo op and Liam was just dragging it out by being difficult. If he had been an aggressive person, he would have shouted at him to just get on with it, but instead he lunged forward and kissed him on the cheek just as the camera flashed. Liam stared at him in shock for a few moments as everyone laughed and Graham smiled, glad he had been correct that it would be a good way to shut him up. Liam blushed and wiped his cheek, glaring at him viciously. Graham quickly retreated to stand beside Damon.</p><p>Next was the afterparty in a bought out nightclub. Graham decided he would stay for an hour, have a few drinks, pose for more pictures when required, and then find a way to sneak out without anyone noticing, which he knew would be difficult, but hopefully not impossible. He stuck to Damon for a while, eventually running into Noel and having to pose with him again for a photo, but then as Damon began to be happily absorbed into the coked-up quivering mass of British music royalty, Graham drifted away.</p><p>He made a game of sampling various gin cocktails typically reserved for alcoholic nans, until he finally decided that he was being left alone enough that he could try to leave. He scanned the nightclub, thankful that he was tall enough that it was easy to see over people’s heads if he stood on his toes. He spotted a dark archway in the back and decided that would be a good place to try and find a backdoor. He was by one of the ends of the bar, and he glanced at the bartenders for a moment. They all had their backs’ turned as they served various patrons. Graham saw his chance and quickly catapulted over the bar and grabbed the first bottle he could get his hands on. He hid it in his coat and walked away without being noticed. He knew it was a stupid thing to do, especially since the bar was free anyways and he had plenty of liquors at home, but it was more to do it than anything.</p><p>But then as he was walking away, Noel suddenly appeared in his pathway, almost startling him.</p><p>“Oi, I saw that,” Noel said, smirking. “Didn’t take you for that kind of bloke.”</p><p>Graham frowned at him, trying to covertly tuck the bottle deeper into his coat. “I don’t know what you mean.”</p><p>“What, you think I’ll tell the press that I seen you nicking whiskey bottles?” Noel laughed. “That’ll make for a good headline, won’t it?”</p><p>“Piss off, Noel.”</p><p>“No need to be narky, yeah?” Noel said, throwing up his hands, but still smiling smugly. “I’ve been known to swipe a few things here and there, you know.”</p><p>“Whatever,” Graham replied and pushed past him towards the archway, but Noel trailed behind.</p><p>“You leaving?”</p><p>Graham halted and exhaled sharply through his nose. He decided he might as well give up now since he’d already been spotted. He turned to him.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You sure? All these twats are giving me a headache and I was going to have a smoke out back, if you want to join me.”</p><p>“I don’t have any E on me if that’s what you’re after.”</p><p>“Nah, got plenty of that already, me,” Noel replied and grinned. “Just want to have a smoke with a mate, is all.”</p><p>Graham wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody, but having a cigarette outside with Noel was still preferable to being suffocated by swarms of British celebrities, so he nodded reluctantly. “Alright.”</p><p>“Right then,” Noel said, as he began to head towards the archway.</p><p>“Is this a way out? I wasn’t sure.”</p><p>“Course,” Noel replied proudly. “There ain’t a club in London I don’t know all the exits to.”</p><p>Graham rolled his eyes.</p><p>Noel led him through the backdoors and into a dark, empty alleyway. Graham shivered while Noel fished his pack from out of his jeans and leaned against the wall. He took the whiskey bottle out of his coat and placed it on the ground before doing up his buttons and shrugging his shoulders against the cold. Noel lit a cigarette and handed his pack to Graham, watching him silently as he took his first drag.</p><p>“Where’s Liam?” Graham asked.</p><p>“Toilets, probably, but fuck knows.”</p><p>“You should start keeping him on a leash, with a shock collar preferably.”</p><p>Noel smirked and nodded. “Don’t you think I’ve tried?”</p><p>“Try again then, for all our sake.”</p><p>“You seemed to handle him well enough,” Noel answered as he stooped to pick up the whiskey bottle. Graham pursed his lips and felt grateful that it was too dark for Noel to see him blush as he unscrewed the cap and took a long swig. Noel wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and offered the bottle to Graham. He took it and drank long enough to begin to feel the dry sting in the back of his throat.</p><p>“What about Damon then? Where’s he?”</p><p>Graham shrugged as he finished drinking. “Holding court, most likely.”</p><p>“The saviour of British music is looking out for new converts, eh?”</p><p>“So it would seem.”</p><p>Noel took a long drag. “Does it bother you ever that he’s the frontman?”</p><p>“He’s the singer, isn’t he?”</p><p>“But everyone thinks it’s his band, don’t they?”</p><p>Graham winced, but he didn’t exactly want to discuss his pent up angst, so he tried to play it off by taking another drink and then passing him the bottle to Noel. “I don’t care about all that. People can think what they want, but at the end of the day we’re all still in the band together.”</p><p>“Yeah, but how many of your songs are going to be on the next album?” Noel answered after taking a drink.</p><p>“We write the songs together,” Graham said, gritting his teeth.</p><p>“Still got Albarn written all over them.”</p><p>Graham scowled. “What about you then? Does it bother you that Liam gets more attention?”</p><p>“Nah, everyone knows the songs are mine,” Noel replied and handed Graham the bottle. “And that’s just it-you’re a top guitarist, man, so you should have more songs that are just your own, know what I mean?”</p><p>Graham glanced at him with raised eyebrows as the bizarreness of the situation began to hit him. He was standing in a cold, dark alley, smoking and drinking with Noel Gallagher who was going out of his way to compliment him. He shook it off and raised the whiskey bottle. “Cheers,” he said before taking another long drink and then paused as he met Noel’s gaze. “You know, I really do think you’re a great songwriter, even if your brother’s a twat.”</p><p>Noel nodded and looked at him strangely, his eyes staring directly into Graham’s and making the air suddenly feel heavy between them. Graham looked away awkwardly and raised the bottle to his lips. </p><p>“Do you pull lads ever?” Noel asked suddenly as he dropped his cigarette and stepped on it. Graham choked on the whiskey and coughed.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s any-”</p><p>“Just a question, mate, I won’t tell nobody.”</p><p>Graham stared at him, completely stunned. He suddenly felt quite sober as Noel smiled cockily. “God, I mean, I-”</p><p>“Fancy a snog?” Noel asked. Graham laughed awkwardly, assuming he was making a joke, but then Noel stepped forward expectantly and continued to stare him in the eyes.</p><p>“You serious?” Graham stuttered, drawing his eyebrows together.</p><p>“Wouldn’t ask if I weren’t.”</p><p>“Now? With me?”</p><p>Noel looked around and nodded. “Don’t see many other people round at the moment.”</p><p>Graham’s breaths seemed to stick in his throat as Noel waited for him to say something. He hadn’t ever thought of Noel before as someone he would want to snog exactly, especially since he would never have guessed he would ever have a reason to, but there was something he had always found attractive about him. Noel was unphotogenic, which Graham figured was why he was never really thought of as a sex symbol like Damon or Liam, but it had struck Graham now and again that sometimes at the right moment he could give them a run for their money. Perhaps part of it was just his brash confidence which would explain why he didn’t always translate so well over film, but he could be incredibly drawing when he chose to be. The more Graham thought about it and Noel’s presence became heavier the more he couldn’t think of a good reason to say no, besides the fact that it was Noel of all people, but it wasn’t like it would mean anything beyond fooling around.</p><p>Graham straightened before finally nodding and flicking his cigarette onto the ground. “Alright.”</p><p>Before Graham could begin to process what he had just agreed to, Noel quickly closed the gap between them. There was one fumble when Noel jostled Graham’s glasses as their faces came together, but Noel smoothly reached up and took the glasses without a word, folding them and placing them in his back pocket as he met Graham’s lips again. Noel tasted like alcohol and cigarettes and his lips were cold, but he was a surprisingly good kisser. He didn’t use his teeth or immediately stick his tongue down his throat like Graham had expected, instead he started slow, then gradually but assertively deepened and widened his mouth. Graham followed his lead and sighed into him, enjoying the tingles going up his spine, but tried to keep an eye open, literally. They were far enough in the shadows that even if someone could see two figures having it in the dark they probably wouldn’t be able to make out who, but God knew that if they got caught the papers would treat it like the first sign of the apocalypse. But he found himself caring less and less as Noel began to back him against the wall and finally slipped his tongue into his mouth.</p><p>Noel gripped his jaw, trying to force him deeper, and Graham slipped a hand under his shirt and clawed at his lower back. He felt Noel let go of him and reached down to his other hand, grabbing at the whiskey bottle that Graham had mostly forgotten about.</p><p>“Give us it,” he said against Graham’s lips before he handed it over. Noel quickly took a drink and then kissed him again, the taste of whiskey thick between them. Graham smiled and chuckled a little into the kiss, and Noel pulled away a little, looking slightly annoyed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Graham shook his head. “Nothing, it’s just sexy.” Noel raised his eyebrows before Graham leaned down and rolled his bottom lip in his teeth. Noel sighed and pushed forward, kissing him messily. Graham returned his motions, gripping Noel’s hips and trying to get him to grind against him a little, but then Noel suddenly dropped the whiskey bottle and it shattered at his feet. Graham jumped and whipped his head towards the end of the alleyway, as if someone had happened to hear and then saw them together. Noel laughed.</p><p>“Fucking hell, calm down.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Graham answered as he eased himself back against the wall and tried to keep his heart rate under control. “I’m not really used to snogging rockstars in allies.”</p><p>Noel cocked his head. “You want to go somewhere more private then?”</p><p>Multiple alarms went off in Graham’s head that demanded that he say no, almost as if going off into the night with Noel would be some kind of betrayal. But as he bit his stinging lips and Noel stared at him like he already knew his answer, he found himself struggling to listen to the logic that ordained that going through with it was a bad idea. Besides, what was one night between two rivals? Graham nodded. “My place or yours?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Graham tried to beat back a rising tide of anxious questions as he waited for Noel to unlock the door to his flat. Did Noel just want to talk or snog some more? Or did he maybe even want to go further than that? And if they did shag would Noel be the one to…? Did he want that? Why was he even spending time with someone who had bullied him and insulted his work anyway? Graham felt a little sick suddenly as he followed Noel inside.</p><p>Noel’s flat wasn’t as big of a disaster as Graham had thought it would be, though it was still emblematic of a bloke who hadn’t spent a lot of time living on his own. The furniture was sparse and carelessly arranged, and the rooms were cluttered with notebooks and papers and magazines, like Noel was too preoccupied to bother with organizing. Graham winced as he walked into the living room and saw a Les Paul laid on the carpet beside a pile of papers. While Noel went into the kitchen to get them beer, Graham picked up the guitar and carefully placed it on a stand in a corner.</p><p>Graham turned to Noel’s collection of CD’s beside his sound system while he waited. He ran his finger along the titles until he discovered <em> Modern Life is Rubbish </em> among them. He picked it up and turned it around in his hands, almost expecting crude drawings and insults to be etched in the plastic, but then Noel walked back in with the beer glasses, smirking when he saw what Graham was holding.</p><p>“All them albums and that’s the one you pick out?” Noel said as he handed Graham his beer. “And they say I got a big ego.”</p><p>“I’m just surprised you have it is all.”</p><p>“Better than <em> Parklife </em> anyway,” Noel replied, nodding. “You can put it on if you want.”</p><p>Graham grimaced. If they were going to snog, it would feel a bit perverse to listen to Damon sing while they did. He shook his head. “You choose the music.”</p><p>Noel picked an album as Graham sat on the couch and fidgeted nervously, taking long drinks from his beer. He felt grateful that Noel was so talently self-assured that the silence didn’t feel awkward, but Graham’s heart still raced as he sat beside him on the couch.</p><p>“So, erm, you have a nice flat,” Graham said finally to break the silence.</p><p>“Yeah?” Noel answered as he laid his head back onto the cushions.</p><p>“Are these all lyrics?” Graham asked, gesturing to the papers scattered around the room.</p><p>“Mostly.”</p><p>“I suppose you’re gearing up for the next album?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Is it going to be much different from <em> Definitely Maybe </em>? Because if it is, I think you should make sure there are still tones and lyrics that are similar to it so that your fans won’t say that you’ve lost your sound or anything since it was such a unique album and-”</p><p>“Jesus, slow down, will you?” Noel interrupted. “You’re making me nervous.”</p><p>Graham pursed his lips. “Sorry, I haven’t, you know, spent a lot of time with people who make a point of telling me my clothes are shit every time they see me.”</p><p>Noel shrugged. “That reminds me, the next chance you get you should burn that fucking plaid coat.”</p><p>“Don’t be cheeky,” Graham said, but couldn’t help chuckling.</p><p>Noel smiled crookedly at him. He put his beer glass on an end table by the couch. “Come here then.”</p><p>Graham’s mind finally began to go quiet as Noel leaned forward to kiss him with the same initial softness as before, but behind the movements his intentions were clear. Graham pulled away a little to take off his specs and Noel smoothly took his beer to place it beside his own on the end table before turning to him again. Graham's nerves began to dissipate the more Noel’s confidence reassured and pulled him in, sighing as he grabbed Noel’s jaw and took a bit of the lead away from him, slowly sucking on his lip and slipping his tongue into his mouth.</p><p>But the longer they kissed and the more intense it became, the louder the nagging voice in the back of Graham’s head asked how far they were going to go. He pulled away for a moment and glanced down to see that Noel was definitely hard in his jeans. Graham guessed that maybe Noel was waiting for him to make the next move, which made him nervous, but he knew what he wanted.</p><p>Graham reached down with a shaking hand to grab Noel over his jeans. Noel groaned softly into his mouth as he spread his legs a little wider. Graham palmed him for a few moments longer, trying to ignore the voices in his head alarming him to the fact that he was touching Noel Gallagher’s cock. Noel began to sigh, obviously frustrated with the teasing. Graham knew it was now or never, so he took a deep breath and undid the button and zipper on Noel’s jeans and finally pulled him out. He had to take a moment to keep his head from spinning before he gripped him and slid his hand slowly over him.</p><p>“Fuck,” Noel sighed against his lips and bucked a little into his hand. Graham glanced down and could hardly believe that it was his hand around Noel, but he knew that he was in far too deep. He was painfully hard in his jeans and panting just as fast as Noel.</p><p>After another minute of soft swears and Graham slowly increasing his pace, Noel suddenly shifted to sit in Graham’s lap, knocking their teeth together before licking back into his mouth. Graham inhaled sharply, startled by Noel’s change of position, but then again nothing about what was happening made much sense. His weight on Graham’s lap was both electrifying and nowhere near enough, and he used his free hand to push down on Noel’s hip, trying to get him to bear down harder. Noel broke the kiss suddenly and moved to bite down on Graham’s earlobe.</p><p>“Let’s fuck,” he hissed into his ear.</p><p>Graham felt the air get kicked out of him. “What?”</p><p>“You want to shag?” Noel said as he leaned back a little and bore down heavily onto him.</p><p>Graham drew his eyebrows together tightly, feeling almost sick as the gravity of Noel’s suggestion hit him. “But do...do you want to, you know…do me?”</p><p>Noel smiled, clearly amused by Graham’s stuttering. “No, let’s fuck like this, yeah?”</p><p>“<em> Really </em>?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Noel answered. “How about it?”</p><p>Graham stared up at him and exhaled slowly. He was stunned, and if he didn’t already have Noel’s cock in his hand or his heavy breaths in his ear, he would have thought he was taking the piss. But he knew that it wasn’t as if Noel was offering to surrender any of his control—he was still going to lead Graham wherever or however he wanted him no matter what they did. Graham felt overpowered and anxious all over again, but he was more relieved than anything, wanting nothing more than to release the pressure in his jeans. He nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>Noel pushed up and off of him and tucked himself back into his pants. “Stay here.”</p><p>He disappeared for a minute, thankfully not long enough for Graham to begin to think too hard, but he still stared with wide eyes at the condom and lube that Noel carelessly threw down on the couch after he came back into the living room. Noel impatiently grabbed Graham's shirt, snapping him out of his daze and pulling it over his head. Graham watched as Noel undressed quickly, unbuttoning his own jeans to ease the tension a bit, but unable to get his brain to focus enough to do much more.</p><p>Noel sat back down on his lap and kissed Graham roughly. Graham returned the kiss, a little too lost in the moment to register that Noel was undoing his zipper until he took him out roughly. Graham unconsciously let out a long whine as he stroked him at a quick pace, and he felt Noel smile against his lips. It went on for a minute longer as Graham tried to bite back any more embarrassing moans, but then Noel picked up the lube and forced it into his hand.</p><p>“Get on with it.”</p><p>“Fuck, sorry,” Graham stuttered as he struggled with the cap. Noel raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Have you never done this before?”</p><p>“No,” Graham answered, scowling but still blushing.</p><p>Noel smirked and leaned forward to bite at his ear again. “With who? Damon?”</p><p>“Sod off,” Graham said, but shivered at the sensation of Noel’s teeth running along the skin below his ear.</p><p>Noel was impatient, of course. He took only two of Graham’s fingers before beginning to groan irritably. “Christ, you’re slow.”</p><p>“I’m just trying to be careful,” Graham huffed, but shifted his fingers deeper. He felt Noel shudder and sigh, and he assumed he had hit the right spot and increased the pace, adding another finger. But Noel didn’t let him continue for very long before he started to pull up.</p><p>“Come on, let’s have it.”</p><p>Graham felt his gut tighten in anticipation, but still hesitated. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Fuck’s sake, course I’m fucking sure,” Noel answered as he reached a hand up to sharply tug Graham’s hair.</p><p>“Lay off a bit, will you?” Graham muttered before fumbling to tear open the condom and roll it on with shaky fingers.</p><p>Noel wasted no time and shifted to hover over him. As Noel lowered onto him, he bit down hard enough to leave a bruise just below Graham’s ear. “Fuck, Noel,” Graham breathed shakily, feeling a little lightheaded as the pressure engulfed him. He tightly gripped Noel’s hips, partly to ground himself and partly to try to discourage him from going too fast, but it didn’t make much of a difference.</p><p>Noel began to move quickly and carelessly, bearing down hard. Graham shuddered and moaned, the roughness making it difficult to control the noises spilling out of him. Despite being a decent size smaller, Noel seemed large and heavy as he placed his hands upon the back of the couch on either side of Graham, caging him in and forcing him to look up at him.</p><p>“Look at you, eh?” Noel said through heavy breaths, smiling arrogantly. “Feeling alright?”</p><p>“God, you fucking bastard,” Graham choked out, but he was panting too hard to hold any bite.</p><p>“Come on, cunt.”</p><p>Graham let go of one of his hips and finally gripped Noel, stroking messily. Noel sighed and leaned his head back, his moans becoming raspy and drawn out. Graham stared at him, feeling himself beginning to lose it a little.</p><p>“Noel, could you, ah, could you slow down a bit?”</p><p>“About to come already?” Noel asked, looking down at him smugly with raised eyebrows.</p><p>“No,” Graham bit back. “I just want it to last.”</p><p>“Have it your way,” Noel replied, slowing his movements only slightly and leaning down to tease him with lazy kisses. But his hips began to lose their rhythm after a minute and he sighed into Graham’s mouth. “Get on top, yeah? My legs are burning.”</p><p>Graham’s breath caught. He had wanted to have Noel underneath him from the beginning, but he thought he would have thrown him out for the mere suggestion of it. “Really?”</p><p>“Fuck, mate, you certain you’re not a virgin?” Noel said, flicking Graham’s nose like a childhood bully and then cocking his head. “Or is it that you want me to fuck you?” Noel watched Graham’s face flush into a bright red and his smile widened. “It’s that, is it? I reckon since the first time you seen me you’ve been waiting for an opportunity to get on your hands and knees for me, ain’t that right?”</p><p>Noel’s derisive tone was all too familiar, and it triggered a wave of frustration in Graham. Usually, he shrugged it off and went on his way, but he was in a much different situation than the ones he had been in before.</p><p>“Do you ever shut up?” Graham asked as he gripped Noel tighter and increased his pace. He heard Noel’s breathing hitch a little, but his arrogance didn’t waver. He brought a finger up and traced the outline of Graham’s lips patronizingly.</p><p>“You gonna make me, love?”</p><p>Graham lunged forward and rolled Noel’s lip in his teeth before kissing him hard, immediately forcing his tongue into his mouth. Noel swung his arm around Graham’s neck to pull at his hair, letting Graham guide him to lie down with surprising ease.</p><p>It was a little awkward at first, the cushions making it claustrophobic, but Noel pulled the ones that were in the way onto the floor. Graham quickly pulled away to kick off the rest of his clothes and bent down to add more bruises to Noel’s neck before he could begin to taunt him again. Noel groaned the harder Graham used his teeth and kicked at his lower back with his heel. Graham got the message and guided himself back in with a sudden, sharp thrust.</p><p>Noel shuddered beneath him and grunted. Graham felt a little guilty, not really wanting to make him uncomfortable, and settled into a gentle pace. He felt relieved to have a bit of control and the opportunity to take his time, enjoying the feeling of having Noel underneath him and sighing into his neck, but it wasn’t long until Noel began to squirm restlessly.</p><p>“Christ, is this really how you shag?” Noel hissed in his ear. “No wonder Damon and Alex are the ones to pull all the birds. I should turn you round right now and show you how to fuck.”</p><p>As Noel moved to bite down on his lips so hard that it was painful, Graham felt his angst towards him again coming to the surface. Of course Noel had to be ungraceful, rude, and rough, not allowing any space for intimacy or to give and take, but Graham questioned why he had thought it was going to be any different. That was the image that Noel sold himself as after all. As he scowled down at him, he decided that if Noel really wanted to fuck, then he would give it to him.</p><p>Without giving a word of warning, Graham quickly brought a hand up to grip Noel’s thigh and pressed his leg towards his chest while shifting his own hips down, going impossibly deep and not leaving any room to breath. Noel gasped in surprise and let out a whine that sounded so unlike him that Graham worried for a moment that he had hurt him.</p><p>He pulled his head back to look at Noel, but saw that he looked a little startled, as if he didn’t believe himself that he had let out a moan like that, but then he hardened into a scowl the more Graham’s smile widened.</p><p>“Cunt,” he muttered before Graham continued to thrust into him hard. Noel tried to keep the same aggravated expression on his face, but the way he shivered and let out a ragged, drawn out breath gave him away.</p><p>“You like that, do you?” Graham asked, delight brightening his voice.</p><p>“Piss off,” Noel answered, but continued to pant harshly. Graham let go of his thigh and reached between them to stroke Noel again, finally getting him to stop trying to keep up his lead. Noel began to let out a series of long moans and allowed Graham to press him deeper into the cushions without protest, shaking and digging his dull nails into his back.</p><p>Graham felt a rush when he looked down at Noel. He seemed so uncharacteristically lost and small pinned beneath him, with his head tossed to the side, mouth opened, and eyes squeezed shut. There was a part of Graham that wanted to see if he could push Noel further. Maybe he could pin his wrists and get him to beg and be the one to go down on his hands and knees. But the more conscious he was of those thoughts, the more something about them scared him. Graham didn’t mind a little bit of aggression, but he didn’t want to punish Noel or enforce a powerplay between them. Perhaps that was Noel’s style, but Graham still wanted sex to be something shared and equal, and not painful and angry, no matter who it was with.</p><p>Graham watched as Noel bit down on his lips so hard that he knew it had to hurt and noticed that a few tears were starting to leak out of his eyes. Graham shook his head, feeling almost nauseous that he was doing that to him even if Noel liked it. He didn’t really want to stop but also knew that there had to be a way to make it feel natural and mutual and not so forced and rough. He pulled out and sat up. Noel looked surprised for a moment, but then his face fell into a furious scowl.</p><p>“What the fuck are you-”</p><p>“Where’s your bed?” Graham asked finally.</p><p>“My bed?” Noel echoed angrily.</p><p>“Yeah, I want to do it properly.”</p><p>Noel ran a hand over his face in exasperation. “What the fuck are you on about?”</p><p>“I don’t like the sofa.”</p><p>“Alright fine, if you want to be a fucking girl about it,” Noel muttered as he untangled himself from Graham. He stomped out of the room and Graham scrambled to follow him down the hall and into his bedroom. But as soon as Noel closed the door behind them, Graham dragged him onto the bed and put his weight onto him as he laid him down, kissing him deeply.</p><p>“Come on, do I have to tell you how to do everything?” Noel grunted as he broke away. Graham nodded and sat up to grab one of Noel’s pillows.</p><p>“What the fuck are you doing now?” Noel questioned aggressively.</p><p>“Lift your hips up,” Graham commanded, hovering over him.</p><p>“Do you really think I’m a bird?” Noel scoffed.</p><p>Graham shrugged. “It'll make things easier.”</p><p>Noel scowled, but pushed up and let Graham slip the pillow beneath his hips. Graham shifted down on top of him again, and pushed in. He watched as Noel grimaced and let out a long exhale. He knew Noel wouldn’t tell him it was too rough and Graham worried as he went deeper whether he should have gotten the lube before going back in. But Noel began to bite at his ear with his now familiar insistence and Graham decided it was safe enough to move, carefully but then going harder the more that Noel relaxed and sighed.</p><p>Noel took it mindlessly for a while, swearing under his breath and keeping his shaky knees on either side of Graham’s waist. Graham shifted his hips and went in a bit deeper until Noel’s body tightened and he arched his back.</p><p>“<em> Fuck </em> , there, <em> there </em>,” he gasped into Graham’s ear. Graham made sure to hit him at the right angle and settled into a pace that was assertive, but not overly aggressive as he reached a hand to slide over Noel again.</p><p>The bed allowed them to move easier and relax, spreading out comfortably and naturally fitting into the shape of each other’s bodies. As they fell into a rhythm and Graham paid more attention to the push and pull, he finally felt like he was being truly present with Noel and seeing him as an actual person without the skew of the contrived tensions and egos. All the bullshit show-business industry personas had been left outside of the doors and now it was really just the two of them having sex and being together.</p><p>But then Graham could feel in Noel’s body the very instant that he remembered who he was with and what kind of position he was in. His muscles tightened and he started to thrash suddenly, scratching and pulling Graham’s hair. When Noel started biting down on his neck so hard that Graham worried that he was trying to break skin, he finally pushed up and out of his grasp.</p><p>“Relax, hey,” he said sternly as Noel scowled. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.”</p><p>“What are you on about?”</p><p>“Just be here with me. Don’t think about anything else.”</p><p>“You’re sounding like a virgin again.”</p><p>“So what if I was?” Graham stated impatiently. “Would you be gentler?”</p><p>“God, just fucking fuck off.”</p><p>“Will you let it go?” Graham said. “It’s just you and me here, you know.”</p><p>Noel looked at him with a tight-lipped, almost confused expression, like he couldn’t decide how to interpret Graham’s words. Graham leaned down to kiss him and tried to replicate the softness and determination Noel had used back in the alleyway as he increased his pace again. Noel tensed once more and Graham worried he was finally going to call the whole thing off and kick him out of his flat, but then he was surprised when Noel melted into the kiss, slipping his tongue in assertively but not using his teeth anymore.</p><p>Noel relaxed again, moving with Graham’s body and groaning deep in his chest. Graham shifted down and softly sucked on Noel’s neck, smiling against his skin when he leaned his head to the side to give him more access. They seemed to be finally finding the right rhythm and tone that made sense for the both of them, insistent and deep, but still thoughtful and unhurried. Graham listened with fascination at the sounds Noel made, breathy and repetitive, but self-assured and masculine. He thrust in sharply and Noel groaned in his ear and it sounded almost like a growl.</p><p>“You’re so sexy,” Graham murmured into his neck. “You don’t know how sexy you are.”</p><p>Graham worried for a split second that he was pushing it, but then he felt Noel buck beneath him, moaning at the words. Graham wondered if perhaps he had just stumbled onto a secret weakness—that Noel did actually want to be cared for and reassured, but he knew better than to question it.</p><p>“Graham, fuck,” Noel moaned, not caring anymore that his voice was high pitched and drawn out. Graham shivered to hear his name spoken like that, and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, but he could tell Noel was getting there too.</p><p>“God, <em> fuck </em>, I’m close,” Noel groaned, his breaths catching in his chest and his jaw tense.</p><p>Graham drove in harder, his grip around Noel mercilessly tight. Noel shuddered and Graham could feel him finally coming as he gasped and whined in his ear and spilled between them. Noel’s shaking and the noises spilling out of his mouth were too much for Graham, and he thrust in deeply before coming with him, shocks running through him so intensely that he wondered if Noel could feel them radiating out of his body.</p><p>They laid together for a few moments, panting and trying desperately to keep reality from sinking in too fast. But Graham knew it was a losing battle, and he pulled out, watching as Noel’s face twitched at the sensation.</p><p>“Do you have a, erm…?” Graham asked. Noel threw an arm over his eyes and pointed at a bin in a corner of the room with a limp hand. Graham slipped the condom off and went to throw it into the bin, carefully watching Noel’s still shaking form on the bed and waiting for him to kick him out of his flat, but he remained silent. He wiped his hands with some tissue he found tossed aside on the nightstand and carefully sat beside Noel again on the bed, handing him some as well.</p><p>“You alright?” Graham asked as Noel wiped himself off and threw the pillow that had been under his hips onto the floor.</p><p>“I’m fucking sore,” Noel answered gruffly.</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>Noel scowled at him. “Next time I’m going to shag you so hard that you won’t be able to sit down for a week, I’ll tell you that much.”</p><p>“Next time?” Graham asked, drawing his eyebrows together. Noel paused, realizing himself what the implications were of what he had just said.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said slowly and met his eyes.</p><p>“You want there to be a next time?”</p><p>Noel shrugged. “Why not?”</p><p>“Besides the obvious?”</p><p>“It’s just fucking mate, don’t think about it so hard.”</p><p>Graham nodded, a little in shock. Being with Noel had felt good, sublime even once they had found the right footing. The idea of doing it again was attractive of course, but obviously presented many opportunities for complications and smashed boundaries. Still, Graham agreed to at least not think about it at the moment. What he needed to focus on was damage control and finding a way home. Graham followed Noel to his bathroom, standing in the doorway as he watched him wash himself off.</p><p>“I should be going,” Graham said as Noel handed him a towel.</p><p>“Why?” Noel replied casually. “You got somewhere to go at one in the morning?”</p><p>Graham raised his eyebrows. “You want me to stay?”</p><p>“We still have the lager to drink, don’t we?”</p><p>“It would be bad to waste it, I suppose,” Graham said, throwing the towel into the sink carelessly.</p><p>“Come on, then,” Noel said and pushed past him towards the living room. Graham followed, smiling slightly. He knew it should feel strange and uncomfortable and not so easy and natural to stay awake all night drinking with Noel post-sex, but Graham didn’t even take the time to consider holding back. The bullying and tension was unimportant and forgotten now that it was just the two of them. Everything could wait until later.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was ten times harder to write than I thought it was going to be and I'm sorry if it's too over the top and out of character. I did my best so please go easy on me lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope this makes up a little bit for having graham top last chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Graham wished he had just left the pub with Damon as the man smiled and slid into his booth without an invitation. He was a drunk American exchange student, unaware of the unspoken Camden rule not to bother famous locals. Graham had been flattered by his compliments when he had first approached, especially since most Americans were completely unaware of Blur’s existence, and had accidently led him on with small, shy smiles and thank you’s into thinking he wanted him to stay. But when it became increasingly clear that he wasn’t going to leave him alone to drink in the dark by himself, Graham found himself becoming more annoyed and embarrassed that he was pissed and miserable.</p><p>Damon had left the pub about half an hour before, saying something about going home to Justine. Graham had sulked about it, but Damon either hadn’t noticed or had pretended not to. As Graham watched him walk out of the door, he tried to decide if he was more jealous of Justine or Damon. Not that he was ever interested in Damon’s partners, but sometimes it hurt how easy everything was for him. Hordes of worshipping fans and followers, slick offers from uncannily beautiful girls and boys, and nights filled with domestic bliss were at his fingertips at any given moment—it was just up to him to decide when and where and who to set aside and who to call to him like an obedient dog.</p><p>Graham realized suddenly that he was so lost in his thoughts that he was grinding his jaw and glaring at the American without meaning to. The American smiled at him uncomfortably as the silence grew, waiting for him to reply to his question about guitar pedals. Graham sighed and took off his glasses to rub his eyes, trying to think of a reply even though his brain felt murky, but just as he was about to force out a half-hearted answer, he heard a set of hands come down hard on the table.</p><p>“Now then, what’s going on here?”</p><p>Graham looked up to see Noel standing over the table, smirking at the two of them.</p><p>“Noel, what are you—”</p><p>“Who’s this then?” Noel interrupted, nodding at the American. “He mithering you, Graham?”</p><p>The American shook his head. “No, I’m not, I’m just—”</p><p>“Right, out you,” Noel said, pointing at him. “Go home to mummy.”</p><p>“I-I didn’t mean to bother anyone,” the American stuttered.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Graham replied, feeling guilty as he watched his face flush. “I think it’s just time you left.”</p><p>Graham signed a scrap of paper he had in his pocket and gave it to him. He stumbled out of the booth, noticeably avoiding Noel’s eyes, and shuffled into the depths of the pub.</p><p>“Fucking yanks,” Noel chuckled as he slid in besides Graham. “You should've given him a clip.”</p><p>Graham frowned as Noel inched closer. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Just making the rounds with some mates and happened on you.”</p><p>“Mates?” Graham asked as he looked around suspiciously.</p><p>“They already left,” Noel answered. “I said I’d meet them at the next pub after I saw you sitting here with that little blighter hovering round.”</p><p>“I suppose you’ll be going now that you’ve come to my rescue?”</p><p>“Nah, I reckon you owe us a pint for the trouble,” Noel said, smiling and leaning forward. Graham’s thoughts became hazy for a few moments, but then he nodded slowly and ungracefully scooted out of the booth, thankful for the opportunity to have another drink.</p><p>But as he was getting the beers, he felt a familiar anxiety rise in his gut. The last time he had seen Noel was when they had shagged, but that had been weeks ago. Despite their vague agreement to do it again, Graham had begun to assume that the next time they saw each other they would simply pretend it had never happened. Graham tried to believe that was for the best, even if the sex had been good. But as he brought the beers back to the table, he wondered if Noel had come to the same conclusion, and a part of him couldn’t help hoping that he hadn’t.</p><p>“Cheers,” Noel said as he raised his glass and took a drink. Graham studied him for a few moments. He did seem friendly, if still maintaining his trademark cockiness, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was thinking about shagging. Graham took a long swig, trying to stop himself from overthinking and getting hard at the idea of having sex with Noel again.</p><p>“Are you here by yourself?” Noel asked.</p><p>“I was here with Damon, but he went home to be with Justine.”</p><p>“Left alone on a Friday night,” Noel snickered. “Not very rock and roll, is it?”</p><p>“I don’t mind,” Graham lied. “Better than the usual weekend sitting around at parties with a bunch of music execs and producers trying to get their rocks off with me anyways.”</p><p>Noel raised his eyebrows. “Rocks off?”</p><p>“Not like in the literal sense,” Graham stuttered, blushing and cursing himself internally for his poor choice of words. “I mean more like, you know, trying to impress me and all that—”</p><p>“I was only joking,” Noel said as he elbowed him in the arm. “You’re a jumpy geezer, you know?”</p><p>Graham leaned his head back against the booth. “You <em> make </em> me jumpy more like.”</p><p>“Do I?” Noel asked, grinning. “Why?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Graham replied and gestured vaguely with his hand. “It’s just the way you <em> are </em>, or carry yourself, I suppose, all confident and that.”</p><p>“Is that just a posh way of saying you fancy me or summat?”</p><p>Graham scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you.”</p><p>“Just one of many trying to get my rocks off with you, ain’t I?” Noel smirked, as if he knew exactly what Graham had been thinking about. Graham sucked in a breath, but before he could force out a flustered reply, Noel began to slide out of the booth. “Fancy a line?”</p><p>Graham shook his head, thankful for the opportunity to change the subject. “Not really. I’ll stick to pints.”</p><p>“Well, I do,” Noel answered. “Come to the toilets with me.”</p><p>“Toilets?”</p><p>“Yeah, can’t exactly cut lines on the table, can I?”</p><p>Graham stared at him for a moment as his heart leapt into his throat. There was a certain mischievous tension in Noel’s smile that hinted at his true intentions, but Graham wasn’t sure if he was misreading him or not. He stood to follow him anyways, hoping for the sake of the growing tightness in his jeans that he wasn’t wrong.</p><p>After walking into the toilets, Noel went to the stalls and checked that they were all empty. Graham watched him nervously, the tension building the more he questioned what Noel had planned. Sure enough, once it was confirmed they were alone, Noel slammed him against the door and crushed his mouth against Graham’s, knocking his head back with a dull thud. Graham panicked for a moment, knowing that snogging in a toilet was really a step too far, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to stop as Noel slipped his tongue into his mouth.</p><p>“Fucking fate that I found you here, innit?” Noel said, pulling back a bit to murmur against Graham’s lips. “I’ve been thinking about shagging you for weeks.”</p><p>Graham’s breath caught. “Have you?”</p><p>“Course,” Noel answered as he raised his head to look Graham in the eyes. “I told you I was going to fuck you, remember?”</p><p>Graham bit his lip. Of course he knew that was the direction things would go if they had sex again and he would be lying if he said he hadn’t fantasized about it every now and again, but the sudden certitude of it made him tense. Not that he at all minded getting topped, but the memory of Noel promising to be rough was enough to make him nervous.</p><p>Noel leaned forward and kissed him again, opening their jaws and mixing their heavy breaths together, and thankfully that had a way of calming him down. Noel reached a hand down and palmed Graham over his jeans while moving his head to suck softly on his neck. Graham shivered and grinded against his hand, gasping at the feeling of Noel’s breaths against his skin.</p><p>But then the door lurched suddenly against his back. He stumbled forward and almost knocked Noel onto the floor as a fellow patron of the pub pushed in. Graham scrambled to hide the fact that he had just been snogging Noel by scrubbing the spit from his lips and then awkwardly placing his hands in front of his crotch in a vain attempt to hide how hard he was. Noel didn’t seem to care that much, and confidently straightened and sneered. Luckily the bloke was so drunk that he only stared at them for a moment as he swayed in place.</p><p>“Do I know you two?” he slurred.</p><p>Graham shook his head forcefully. “No.”</p><p>He stared at them for one moment more and then nodded before turning to stumble into a stall. Graham breathed a sigh of relief, making a mental note to remind himself that snogging in public wasn’t worth a heart attack. Noel grabbed the front of Graham’s shirt and dragged him out of the toilets and into a dark corner of the pub.</p><p>“Meet me at my flat in an hour,” Noel commanded lowly.</p><p>“An hour?”</p><p>Noel nodded. “We shouldn’t leave together after that fucking mess, unless you want it out that you let me fuck you up the arse.”</p><p>Graham scowled. “What about the fact that I fucked you first?”</p><p>“You think anybody’s going to believe that?” Noel said, triggering Graham to roll his eyes. But then he hesitated for a moment.</p><p>“What about your girlfriend?” he asked, remembering the recent photos of the pretty, petite blonde in the papers.</p><p>“What about her?”</p><p>“Don’t you think she’d mind that you’re bringing people home?”</p><p>“What she don’t know can’t hurt her.”</p><p>Graham pressed his lips together. “Just because you’re a rockstar doesn’t mean you can get away with cheating, you do realize.”</p><p>“Like you’re so innocent then?” </p><p>Graham scoffed, but eased back, knowing he shouldn’t push it unless he wanted a fight. Noel looked at him with a set jaw. </p><p>“I’ll see you in an hour, yeah?”</p><p>Graham wished for a moment he had the willpower to say no, but he exhaled slowly and nodded. Noel smirked and turned to go without another word, leaving Graham in the dark to watch him walk out of the door.</p><p>-</p><p>Graham ended up on Noel’s street fifteen minutes before he was due to be in his flat, mostly because he was restless and didn’t know what else to do with himself other than smoke in front of his building and stare up at his windows. But he didn’t press on the buzzer to Noel’s flat until another twenty minutes later, assuming it would be best to be a bit late so Noel wouldn’t think he was desperate.</p><p>As Noel let Graham into his flat, he produced a whiskey bottle and forced it into his hands.</p><p>“Remember this?” he chuckled, smiling like he had said something clever. Graham looked down at it, frowning with embarrassment at the memory of being miserable enough to nick alcohol from an open bar. He unscrewed the cap and took a long swig before the memory could overpower him too much. </p><p>“Fuck, mate, leave some for the rest of us,” Noel cautioned as he took the bottle out of Graham’s grip.</p><p>Graham stared at Noel as he began to drink and suddenly felt depressed all over again. He was about to have a man he wasn’t sure he liked fuck him just because he was randy and lonely. But he was already resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to leave—anything was better than being pissed and alone on a Friday night.</p><p>As Noel lowered the bottle from his mouth he motioned towards his bedroom with his head and began to go down the hall. “Come on.”</p><p>“No couch foreplay this time?” Graham slurred as he followed and took off his glasses in anticipation.</p><p>“Not if I got anything to say about it.”</p><p>Noel herded Graham into his bedroom and placed the whiskey bottle on his nightstand. Graham hovered in the middle of the room, tensing again as he looked at the bed and pictured what was about to happen. He knew that he wanted to have sex and was alright with Noel being top, but his stomach still churned.</p><p>Noel turned to him, before moving to tug on Graham’s shirt, drawing him forward. “Gonna let me fuck you now?”</p><p>Graham tightened his jaw for a few moments as he hesitated. He began to think that maybe the main reason why he felt so insecure wasn’t because of their relationship or what had happened when they had shagged, but that Noel insisted so much on phrasing sex as someone fucking the other, as if it had to be unkind and crude and one sided. Not that he wanted Noel to be tender, but he knew he could use a small dose of intimacy, or maybe affection even, and not just aggression and pain. But he also didn’t want to think so hard about it anymore or talk, he just wanted it to start. He took a deep breath before grabbing Noel’s jaw and kissing him.</p><p>Noel let out a small gasp of surprise when their faces came together, but gladly accepted the kiss and slipped his tongue in with insistence. Noel’s lips tasted like whiskey and it gave Graham flashbacks to the alleyway. He sighed and leaned into him, trying to hold onto the memory of their first kiss’s rush. But then Noel shot his hands forward to grip the back of Graham’s jeans, squeezing him hard. Graham’s stomach tightened with anxiety as he felt Noel smile against his lips, his intentions glaringly clear. Without thinking, he forcefully backed Noel up against the wall and put his weight onto him, inadvertently pinning him.</p><p>“Ease off, you fucking dickhead,” Noel hissed, pushing against Graham’s chest.</p><p>Graham realized he was overcompensating and took a step back. “Sorry.”</p><p>Noel glared at him and eased his head back against the wall. “Are you?”</p><p>Graham sighed and looked away guiltily. The memory of pushing Noel down into the cushions and his eyes tearing up suddenly came to him again, and he grimaced. “Yes.”</p><p>But then Graham felt a finger beginning to trace the outline of his lips. “I got an idea of how you can make it up to me,” Noel replied. Graham froze for a few beats as he raised his eyes again to meet Noel’s.</p><p>“You want me to suck you off?”</p><p>Noel nodded as his smile widened. “Yeah.”</p><p>Graham took a few moments to consider. The thought of having Noel in his mouth as he hovered over him and groaned in that deep way of his sent shocks down his spine, but he didn’t want it to be like Noel was bullying him about it either.</p><p>“How about it?” Noel asked.</p><p>Graham looked into Noel’s eyes and searched for any sign of warmth, but all he saw was cocky sureness. But Graham simply nodded, reasoning resignedly that if he made it good Noel might return the favour. He sank down to his knees and quickly undid Noel’s jeans, carefully listening to his breath hitch. He took him out and stroked him slowly until he was fully hard.</p><p>“Fuck,” Noel groaned, shifting his weight impatiently as Graham lifted his head up to look at him. “Are you going to do it or not?”</p><p>Graham shrugged and smiled slightly, like he wasn’t sure if he was, just to taunt Noel with the shred of control he had over him. Noel opened his mouth to swear at him, but then Graham suddenly took the tip in his mouth and sucked, making Noel moan and throw his head back against the wall with a thud. Graham sighed contentedly before finally taking him further into his mouth, sucking all the way down.</p><p>But then he heard Noel grunt before he brought a hand up to grip the back of Graham’s head, forcing him down further without time to brace himself. Graham convulsed and gagged as Noel let out his loudest moan yet. Graham swiftly pulled off to cough and sneered at him.</p><p>“Fucking hell, Noel,” Graham complained.</p><p>Noel flashed him a grin. “Sorry, didn’t mean to go that deep.”</p><p>“I reckon we’re even now.”</p><p>Noel cocked his head to the side in mock consideration. “Maybe after a few more minutes.”</p><p>Graham glared at him as he caught his breath, but decided he might as well finish what he started. He pooled all of the spit in his mouth and took him back in, but brought a hand up to grip what couldn’t easily fit, determined to not give Noel the satisfaction. Noel let out a long series of breathy moans, moving a hand to grip the hair at the back of Graham’s head and pushing him down a few times to encourage him, but not taking it too far again.</p><p>Eventually, Graham had to come up for air. He pulled off and rubbed his aching jaw, but just before he was about to take him in again, he felt Noel gently pull up on his hair. He looked up at him and Noel nodded.</p><p>“Come here.”</p><p>Graham bit his lip and shakily rose to his feet. Noel leaned forward and met his lips, the spit around Graham’s mouth making the kiss messy. Graham gripped the back of Noel’s head to force him deeper as he grinded their hips together, hoping desperately that he would be forgiving enough to return some of his efforts. To his relief, Noel undid Graham’s jeans and pushed his hand in, gripping him tightly and building up a quick pace. It wasn’t entirely what Graham had been hoping for, but he gladly took it as he bucked into his hand and moved his head down to pant against Noel’s neck.</p><p>But Noel let go after only a minute and moved his hands to grip the backside of Graham’s jeans again. Graham slowly moved to meet his eyes as his mind raced with images of what was to happen next. Noel just smiled, pulling off the jacket Graham hadn’t bothered to take off and pushing him backwards towards the bed. Graham went down easily and let Noel straddle him, willing himself to focus on the sensation of him sucking on his neck and scratching up and down his torso, but he knew it was only a brief reprieve. Sure enough, Noel gave one last harsh suck before raising himself to finally reach for his nightstand. Graham sat up as Noel fished through his drawer, holding his breath and shaking his leg nervously, but as he pulled out the lube and moved back beside him, he felt a wave of panic.</p><p>“Noel, I…” Graham stuttered and then halted.</p><p>“What?” Noel asked, freezing but looking irritated.</p><p>“I...just…”</p><p>Noel groaned exasperatedly. “Look, it’s alright if you don’t want to do it, just don’t waste my fucking time.”</p><p>“I want to—I just, you know...don’t want it to hurt.”</p><p>Noel raised his eyebrows. “Are you asking me to be gentle?”</p><p>“No,” Graham replied, blushing and hating that Noel was making him feel like an inexperienced teenager. “But I don’t want to be in pain either.”</p><p>“You think I want that? I’m a cunt, but I’m not that big of a cunt.”</p><p>Graham exhaled slowly and tried to think of a way to explain that wouldn’t make him sound like a sentimental idiot. “I mean, I just want it to feel good, you know?”</p><p>“Fuck, is that what you’re on about?” Noel said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll get you off one way or another, don’t need to worry about that. I’m not as fucking self-absorbed as you think I am.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Graham sighed. “It’s hard to guess what you’re thinking, I suppose.”</p><p>“Christ, relax. I just want a fuck, that’s all.”</p><p>Graham scoffed and looked away, the words making him feel desperate and sad instead of reassured. But he moaned quietly anyways when Noel leaned forward to suck on his neck again. He forced his body to relax and ease into his touch, trying to be satisfied that Noel at least cared enough to want him to be comfortable.</p><p>“Can I fuck you now?” Noel asked against his skin.</p><p>As he leaned his head to the side to give Noel more room to kiss, Graham again felt the impulse to shut down his brain and worry about everything else later. He was tired of fighting with himself and feeling apprehensive. All he wished for was to finally give in to wanting Noel and not focusing on anything else.</p><p>“Yeah,” he answered quietly.</p><p>Noel nodded and pulled away. “Flip over.”</p><p>Graham frowned a little as something Noel had said before came floating back to him-<em> you’ve been waiting for an opportunity to get on your hands and knees for me, ain’t that right? </em>But he banished the thought from his brain and did as Noel asked. Noel settled behind him and leaned over, taking a moment to bite the shell of his ear.</p><p>“I’ll take good care of you, yeah?” he said as one of his hands forced Graham’s jeans and pants down, prompting him to shiver and swear under his breath. Graham heard the cap being opened and braced himself, knowing Noel wasn’t going to waste time. Sure enough, he felt Noel’s hand running along his skin before pushing a finger in without much ceremony. He only gave Graham a few moments to adjust before adding a second. Graham hissed and dropped his head, but the slight burn didn’t bother him as Noel began to beckon his fingers inside of him.</p><p>“Alright?” Noel asked, his own breaths already sounding heavier.</p><p>Graham nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>Noel added a third finger without warning. Graham began to truly feel it then and gasped, but the discomfort quickly eased again the more that Noel slid his fingers and intuitively pressed on the right spots. Graham began to push back against him after a minute, swearing under his breath and feeling thankful that it was clear that Noel knew what he was doing.</p><p>“Ready?” Noel finally asked.</p><p>Graham worried for a moment that he wasn’t, especially since Noel hadn’t exactly taken his time, but nodded anyways after he turned to meet his eyes. His head was cocked to the side and his chest was heaving, and it made Graham’s heart race that he looked so feverish.</p><p>Noel smirked at him as he pulled his hand away and reached for his nightstand, but then paused.</p><p>“Do I have to use a condom?”</p><p>Graham scoffed, sitting up and turning to him. “<em>Y</em><em>es</em>, of course you fucking have to.”</p><p>“Alright, fine, fucking hell,” Noel answered, scowling as he opened his drawer and pulled out a condom.</p><p>But as Graham watched Noel roll it on and coat himself in more lube, there was a small part of him that wondered if maybe he should let him not wear one. The idea of feeling all of him was tempting, but he also didn’t know what Noel got up to, so he resolved a condom was necessary.</p><p>“Come on, roll over,” Noel said after he finished and pushed on Graham’s shoulders to signal for him to get back onto his hands. Graham went down, putting his weight onto his elbows and attempting to remember to breathe. Noel dragged the moment out, squeezing Graham’s hips and making him tense up in anticipation. He suspected that Noel was trying to get him to ask for it, but he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He dropped his head instead and waited. </p><p>After a few more quiet, long moments, he finally felt Noel against him as one of his hands gripped his hip tightly. Noel began to push inside and Graham sucked in all of his breath, willing his body to relax despite the stretch and small wave of pain.</p><p>Noel fucked in deeper with small, shallow thrusts, but using enough momentum to make it sharp. As Graham adjusted and the discomfort eased, he focused on Noel’s groans and the soft swears he let out under his breath. He already sounded so lost in the sensation, and Graham was overwhelmed by the sudden rush of knowing Noel liked being inside him enough to make noises like that. He reached down and began to slide a hand over himself, panting and gasping loudly the further Noel went.</p><p>Noel finally deepened until he was all the way inside and pressed tightly against the perfect spot, pausing there for a few moments so that Graham could feel all of him. Graham’s legs began to shake the longer Noel kept still and his free hand gripped the sheets tightly.</p><p>“Good?” Noel asked, sounding breathless, but still cocky.</p><p>“Yeah,” Graham answered, incapable of saying much more.</p><p>Noel began to move again, building up to a steady pace. The harder it became, the more that Graham was surprised by Noel’s ability to instinctively know where to hit and what rhythm felt right. It seemed like he had had practice, which was a little sexy, though for a quick moment Graham also felt a small, inexplicable glimmer of jealousy. As soon as he was conscious of it, he quickly pushed it out of his mind by stroking himself faster and rocking against Noel’s thrusts, getting him to press even deeper into him.</p><p>“You want it harder?” Noel asked. Graham could hear the obnoxious smirk in his tone, but he was too far gone to think about it, he just wanted everything Noel could give him.</p><p>“Fuck, Noel,” Graham said breathlessly, hardly conscious of the words spilling out of his mouth</p><p>“Tell me.”</p><p>“God, yeah, please.”</p><p>Noel roughened, grinding in with each thrust. Graham moaned loudly as he dropped his head and let his body sway naturally with Noel’s, suddenly too invested in the way he fucked into him to be aware of the noises he made or how he moved against him. Everything felt stimulating and overwhelming, from the sensation of Noel’s jeans rubbing against his skin to the way Noel punctuated each thrust with a groan or harsh pant. Through the haze he wondered why he had been so anxious about having sex with Noel and wished he had made it happen sooner. It had been a long time since he felt this good.</p><p>Graham was drawn out of his stupor as Noel tugged on his shirt, coaxing him to rise up and straighten his arms until he was practically sitting back against him. Graham groaned deep in his chest while Noel grabbed his hips and began to pull him down onto him, only giving small thrusts and allowing Graham’s body to do most of the work.</p><p>“You’re so good,” Noel said distantly as he buried himself so deep that Graham unconsciously let out a long whine. “You take me so fucking well.”</p><p>Graham felt himself begin to become untethered, especially when he looked over his shoulder and saw Noel’s blissed out expression, sweat making his fringe stick to his forehead and his eyes half-closed and jaw slack. Graham stopped stroking in an attempt to save himself from reaching the point of no return, but Noel had apparently already noticed the tension begin to build up in his body.</p><p>“Are you going to come?” Noel asked, thrusting sharply.</p><p>Graham grunted and shook his head. “Not yet.”</p><p>“Right then,” Noel said as he suddenly pulled out. Graham sighed at the sudden emptiness and turned over to watch Noel. He was taking off his shirt and nodded as he met Graham’s eyes. “Come on, you idiot.”</p><p>He reached forward and tugged on the hem of Graham’s sweat soaked shirt, pulling it over his head. Graham swallowed and moved to pull off his jeans in a daze. He had been so involved with Noel that he had mostly been unconscious of the fact that they hadn’t bothered to take off their clothes. He watched Noel as he pulled the last of his clothes off, stroking himself slowly and rolling his head to the side. After he was finished, Noel leaned over Graham, forcing him to lie down.</p><p>“You’re really fucking tight, you know that?” Noel said as he moved his head down to bite his collarbone.</p><p>Graham squeezed his eyes shut, a little embarrassed by the words, but not saying anything.</p><p>“Want it?” Noel asked, raising himself to look Graham in the eyes.</p><p>Graham frowned, unsure how he wanted to reply. Having Noel make comments about his body was one thing, but being made to feel submissive was another. But he nodded his head anyway, since Noel liked it and he did want it after all.</p><p>Noel smirked before licking his way into Graham’s mouth. Graham sighed into the kiss as he tangled his legs around Noel’s waist, drawing him closer. Noel shifted his hips down and guided himself back in with a quiet groan. There was a small moment of pain as he pushed in deep, but Noel started slow and steady while he broke the kiss to bite the spot beneath Graham’s ear. Graham relaxed his body, satisfied that Noel was taking a moment to be soft. He raised a hand into Noel’s hair, not pulling, but leaving it there just to have something to hold on to.</p><p>Noel began to hit him at just the right angle as he roughened his pace again, and Graham let out a harsh groan. As Noel pushed himself inside as far he could go with each thrust, Graham dug his nails into his back with his free hand.</p><p>“You like me fucking you, don’t you?” Noel said into his ear.</p><p>Graham again felt that glimmer of vulnerability that he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with, but he groaned out a quiet “yeah” anyways. He could feel Noel smiling against his skin.</p><p>“Yeah, I do too,” Noel said.</p><p>Graham bit his lip and let go of Noel’s hair to slide a hand over himself again, focusing solely on the way he hit the right places.</p><p>“I never thought you’d be like this,” Noel said. “That you’d take me so easily.”</p><p>Graham opened his eyes and felt himself begin to tense, not liking the direction Noel was going. “Noel…”</p><p>“Do you let other people fuck you like this? All rough.”</p><p>“Noel, I—”</p><p>“Next time I should tie you up, yeah? Would you like that, letting me tie you up?”</p><p>Graham finally shook his head. “Don’t talk to me like that.”</p><p>Noel slowed and there was a small moment of awkwardness. Noel lifted himself up and met Graham’s eyes. “What?”</p><p>“I don’t want to be talked to like I’m some kind of slag.”</p><p>“How do you like to be talked to then?” Noel asked sarcastically as he scowled. "Like the fucking Queen?"</p><p>Graham smirked. “Say something nice to me.”</p><p>“Nice?” Noel echoed as he furrowed his brows. “The fuck you mean <em> nice </em>?”</p><p>“You know, compliment me or something.”</p><p>“Is that really what gets you off, getting called pretty or summat?”</p><p>“It’s a start.”</p><p>Noel scoffed and rolled his eyes, but paused to think for a moment. “I like your glasses.”</p><p>“<em>Noel</em>, come on, I’m serious.”</p><p>“Fine, fuck,” Noel huffed and clenched his jaw as he thought and sighed. “You sound sexy when you’re turned on, yeah?”</p><p>Graham raised his eyebrows in surprise and smiled up at him. He had thought Noel would simply drop the dirty talk instead of following through with his request. “Yeah?” Graham hummed as he rolled his head to the side.</p><p>“You feel really fucking good,” Noel said as he began to quicken his pace again. “So fucking good.”</p><p>Graham moaned quietly and began to stroke himself faster as he closed his eyes. “Like that, Noel, fuck.”</p><p>“I like how you like it deep.”</p><p>“Mmh, yeah.”</p><p>Noel rutted his hips against Graham’s for a moment. “I like how you kiss me.”</p><p>Graham opened his eyes and paused as he broke into a wide grin. “You like how I <em> kiss </em> you?”</p><p>Noel clenched his jaw. “What?”</p><p>“Rather romantic, innit?”</p><p>Noel glared at him. “Shut up.”</p><p>“Do you like the way we <em> make love </em> as well?” Graham said, drawing the words out and smiling at him teasingly.</p><p>“You fucker,” Noel huffed. Graham laughed and wondered if Noel’s face wasn’t so flushed already if he’d be blushing. He raised a hand up and lightly touched Noel’s lips.</p><p>“I like how you kiss too.”</p><p>Noel grimaced and began to roughen suddenly. Graham shuddered, knowing he wasn’t going to last much longer if Noel kept up his pace.</p><p>“My turn, ain’t it?” Noel panted. “Tell me something dirty.”</p><p>Graham groaned and squeezed his eyes closed. “Noel…”</p><p>“Come on, I called you pretty, didn’t I?”</p><p>Graham sighed and decided he could humor Noel at least once. “You’ve got a big cock, alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, you like it?” Noel said. Graham nodded, despite the obnoxious satisfaction in Noel’s voice.</p><p>“Yeah, I do.”</p><p>Noel suddenly surged forward with a bruising kiss, his tongue immediately licking all around his mouth. Graham groaned deeply, returning his intensity, but pulled away just enough to murmur into Noel’s mouth as he felt the heat begin to rise in his gut.</p><p>“I’m gonna come.”</p><p>“Fuck,” Noel said against his lips. “Come for me.”</p><p>Graham began to shake as the weight of his orgasm hit him. He cried out hoarsely as his whole body vibrated with the shocks, Noel’s deep thrusts never stopping. As the sensations began to ebb, Noel continued to be rough and relentless. </p><p>“God, so fucking good,” Noel forced out as Graham moved his arms around his neck. Graham could feel his breaths coming out harsh and fast and his body straining as he moved closer to peaking. Just as Noel was on the very edge of coming, Graham moved his head down, biting hard enough below his ear to leave a dark bruise. Noel groaned loudly and finally rutted against Graham’s hips, convulsing as he came deep inside of him.</p><p>There were a few moments of silence as they attempted to catch their breath and come back down to reality. Noel breathed out deeply and pulled out before rolling over with a sudden start.</p><p>“Fucking hell,” he said as he stood and went to the mirror beside his wardrobe. Graham watched him as he sat up and wiped himself off with the tissues by the bed.</p><p>“Everything alright?”</p><p>Noel turned to him, scowling as he pointed to the forming mark where Graham had bitten him. “How the fuck am I going to explain that to Meg?”</p><p>Graham shrugged. “Wear a polo neck.”</p><p>“Do I look like the kind of cunt that wears polo necks?”</p><p>“Say a dog bit you then.”</p><p>Noel shook his head in exasperation. “You fucking prick, she’s going to kill me.”</p><p>Graham felt guilty, but there was also a small part of himself that felt a bit satisfied that he had something over Meg, no matter how miniscule it was. He frowned as he turned that thought over in his mind, wondering uselessly why he was always so prone to jealousy, even with people like Noel who clearly wanted nothing more than sex from him.</p><p>He went to the bathroom to wash himself off, but when he came back into the bedroom Noel was already dressed in a pair of trackies and a t-shirt. Graham felt awkward suddenly that he was still naked and he pulled his clothes back on hastily. But after he was fully clothed, he still felt hesitant and sad, though it was different from before.</p><p>“Can I stay a bit longer?” Graham finally asked.</p><p>Noel peered at him. “If you’re looking to go again, I’m too fucking knackered.”</p><p>“No, I’m not,” Graham answered, shaking his head. “I’m just not ready to go home.”</p><p>Noel shrugged neutrally. “If you want to stay for a lager, you can, but Meg is coming in the morning so you can’t stop the night.”</p><p>Graham felt a flicker of jealousy rise in his gut again. He frowned and nodded. “I suppose I’ll go then.”</p><p>“You don’t have to look so fucking miserable about it,” Noel said gruffly as he stood up to walk past Graham and towards his kitchen. “Just have a drink with me and stop whinging.”</p><p>Graham smiled and closely followed him. He ended up spending most of the night, eventually dozing on Noel’s couch after drinking a few beers and the rest of the whiskey bottle with him. Noel woke him up right before dawn and told him to leave. Graham knew he didn’t say it in a mean way, just in a Noel kind of way, since he was beginning to understand the difference.</p><p>After he made it back to his flat, he sat on the floor of his living room and watched the early morning sunlight come through his windows, smoking and thinking about Noel. He could sense a small spark of affection forming for him, but he wouldn’t call it a crush, more of a soft spot. It still disturbed him, especially the jealousy, but he knew he wasn’t going to stop having sex with him as long as Noel wanted to. He made him feel too good, and that was something he needed.</p>
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